When it comes to advice for other people, most of the time I know what to give. What I think they should do, or shouldn't do, I give it how it is, how I really feel. For myself...well, it's a different story. I have zero advice for myself.
I don't want to screw up again. I look at other people and can see positive and negative aspects of their relationships, and I can point them out. I see couples and am fine with with the fact that they are together and I am alone. I've come to be able to be okay with that for the moment. No, I wouldn't say that I am completely okay with the idea of being alone all my life, but that's a whole different issue.
Over the course of the past while I have come to realize how much I hesitate and push away the idea of a guy being attracted to me. Like I said, I'm totally fine talking with others about their problems, (what can I say, I'm a counseling major...it's what I do!), but when it comes to me....ahh....different subject!
It's been so long since I've had this type of attention directed towards me. I don't know how to handle it. I'm scared that I'm not guarding my heart the way I should...and I don't want to get hurt again. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I just want to do it right. What am I saying...I don't even know if I'm blowing this out of proportion...
God, I feel sick.
I do enjoy the attention. I mean, come on, I haven't felt butterflies for a looooong time and it's kind of nice :) Scary, but nice.
There is one thing I do know....I DO NOT want to blow this out of proportion. I want to be open to the possibility of something...but I'm NOT jumping to that conclusion.
Open mind, open heart.
I am scared.
Lord...YOU are in control. This is just another thing that I need you to take from me. I want you to have my fears...of failure, uncertainty, of happiness...yes, happiness.
What more is there to do?
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